Falling Confessions

Thursday, May 27, 2010 Edit This 0 Comments »
I can’t sleep when you complicate my dreams. I can’t get this one fucking thought out of my head. My heart hurts, my brain hurts, everything aching, for what? Being used for your mind isn’t as sexy as it sounds, it hurts just as much. I can’t confess. I can’t open my mouth beyond the first syllable. You are not what I pictured, you don’t fit into the circle and I love it. I love all of you that can’t be anything but yourself.

I don’t know what type of world I am in anymore. It’s not the same as the person standing next to me, nor should it be. I’ve written this script out, I’ve erased a couple lines, scratched over the text to try to hide the truth, just as much as anyone else. But it’s all there, you can’t hide, the memories vibrate over our skin, the energy is smooth, it is complete and nothing can break it. Even when we break ourselves and each other, the pieces are gathered in the same spot, the same universe and the same snippet of time.

I’d like nothing more to hide parts of this in other galaxies, randomly tucked into parts of history we’ve all forgotten. I could erase your face, dim the lights and muffle your voice. If I could just pull it out of my head, it seems stuck.

When I look at the sun, my body buzzes, when I think about you, it’s like I go paralyzed. I can walk into a room and feel everything, the pain, the joy, the anxiety, the uncertainty; it latches onto my skin and pulls me into it. If you didn’t notice, I’d stare into your eyes so I felt nothing else. But here we are, silent. There are days I feel such a fool; chasing rainbows and unicorns. But when I try to stop it, I hurt myself. I can feel the universe flowing in my veins; I can feel its power, its beauty, its patience. But this one thought stops everything, and nothing can ever be the same.

One day you will see
What it means to be me
One day you will see
The truth I’ve hid in me
One day you will see
You should have been here with me

I’ll hide this within my own personal darkness, I won’t make you chose, I won’t lay this struggle at your feet, you get to walk away, if that’s what you chose.